For me, my first 50 years of life ended at 12:01 AM December 4, 2012. December 3rd had been the night Mercury, Venus and Saturn lined up over the pyramids at Giza: the official start of the New Age.
I'd spent most of that night online, wide awake celebrating this cosmic event. My 'date', via Skype, was a former Episcopal priest-turned-Satanist with a genius I.Q. from the Eastern seaboard. In his profile picture 'Mr. Brinks' had on a tuxedo, perfect for my outlandish romanticism.
For some reason, perhaps in a fit of nostalgic, we listened to a You Tube recording of Guy Lombardo and His Royal Canadians in the Grand Ballroom of the Waldorf-Astoria playing 'Auld Lang Syne'. This was important to me because as a child, my parents and I would watch the New Year's Eve broadcast on CBS from the Waldorf. I dreamed way back then of a glamorous life, but not one that foresaw celebrating it via cyberspace, with a Satanist. Or for that matter, indictment on drug charges. What a perfect date for Little Mr. Catholic me. I had a sense that 'Mr. Brinks' wasn't quite so evil but who knows really. We had a marrrrvelous conversation and I cried real tears of joy.
Why? I felt it was truly a New Age beginning. It all seemed to fall into place. I was confident the road ahead for me was finally opening up and that I could be free of past worries, that I could put out of my mind forever that cheesehead @*&!) Woodman McCarthy, and Norman Nicely, his psychotic now-they're lovers-now-they-ain't boyfriend. I accept the fact that I wasn't going to ever hear the words 'I love you' from Woodsy's mouth. Yet the blame really didn't rest with him. I had broken my own heart but I could move forward now.
I was breaking my heart in a way with Mr, Brinks. Just as I had been doing with every other man I was head over heels with: all of them with partners out of touch, out of the loop, or just out of it. I could love these men as friends, I suppose,but would they ever really love me? How could I expect them to play their part when I no longer wanted to play?
Mr. Brinks unlike most of the others, had boundaries, respected them and I'd say, respected me. Thus that made him an ideal escort into this next era.
I will cherish that night online for the rest of my life.
I'd spent most of that night online, wide awake celebrating this cosmic event. My 'date', via Skype, was a former Episcopal priest-turned-Satanist with a genius I.Q. from the Eastern seaboard. In his profile picture 'Mr. Brinks' had on a tuxedo, perfect for my outlandish romanticism.
For some reason, perhaps in a fit of nostalgic, we listened to a You Tube recording of Guy Lombardo and His Royal Canadians in the Grand Ballroom of the Waldorf-Astoria playing 'Auld Lang Syne'. This was important to me because as a child, my parents and I would watch the New Year's Eve broadcast on CBS from the Waldorf. I dreamed way back then of a glamorous life, but not one that foresaw celebrating it via cyberspace, with a Satanist. Or for that matter, indictment on drug charges. What a perfect date for Little Mr. Catholic me. I had a sense that 'Mr. Brinks' wasn't quite so evil but who knows really. We had a marrrrvelous conversation and I cried real tears of joy.
Why? I felt it was truly a New Age beginning. It all seemed to fall into place. I was confident the road ahead for me was finally opening up and that I could be free of past worries, that I could put out of my mind forever that cheesehead @*&!) Woodman McCarthy, and Norman Nicely, his psychotic now-they're lovers-now-they-ain't boyfriend. I accept the fact that I wasn't going to ever hear the words 'I love you' from Woodsy's mouth. Yet the blame really didn't rest with him. I had broken my own heart but I could move forward now.
I was breaking my heart in a way with Mr, Brinks. Just as I had been doing with every other man I was head over heels with: all of them with partners out of touch, out of the loop, or just out of it. I could love these men as friends, I suppose,but would they ever really love me? How could I expect them to play their part when I no longer wanted to play?
Mr. Brinks unlike most of the others, had boundaries, respected them and I'd say, respected me. Thus that made him an ideal escort into this next era.
I will cherish that night online for the rest of my life.
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