Auld Lang Syne and Signs

For me, my first 50 years of life ended at 12:01 AM December 4, 2012. December 3rd had been the night Mercury, Venus and Saturn lined up over the pyramids at Giza: the official start of the New Age.

I'd spent most of that night online, wide awake celebrating this cosmic event. My 'date', via Skype, was a former Episcopal priest-turned-Satanist with a genius I.Q. from the Eastern seaboard. In his profile picture 'Mr. Brinks' had on a tuxedo, perfect for my outlandish romanticism.

For some reason, perhaps in a fit of nostalgic, we listened to a You Tube recording of Guy Lombardo and His Royal Canadians in the Grand Ballroom of the Waldorf-Astoria playing 'Auld Lang Syne'. This was important to me because as a child, my parents and I would watch the New Year's Eve broadcast on CBS from the Waldorf. I dreamed way back then of a glamorous life, but not one that foresaw celebrating it via cyberspace, with a Satanist. Or for that matter, indictment on drug charges. What a perfect date for Little Mr. Catholic me. I had a sense that 'Mr. Brinks' wasn't quite so evil but who knows really. We had a marrrrvelous conversation and I cried real tears of joy.

Why? I felt it was truly a New Age beginning. It all seemed to fall into place. I was confident the road ahead for me was finally opening up and that I could be free of past worries, that I could put out of my mind forever that cheesehead @*&!) Woodman McCarthy, and Norman Nicely, his psychotic now-they're lovers-now-they-ain't boyfriend. I accept the fact that I wasn't going to ever hear the words 'I love you' from Woodsy's mouth. Yet the blame really didn't rest with him. I had broken my own heart but I could move forward now.

I was breaking my heart in a way with Mr, Brinks. Just as I had been doing with every other man I was head over heels with: all of them with partners out of touch, out of the loop, or just out of it. I could love these men as friends, I suppose,but would they ever really love me? How could I expect them to play their part when I no longer wanted to play?

Mr. Brinks unlike most of the others, had boundaries, respected them and I'd say, respected me. Thus that made him an ideal escort into this next era.

I will cherish that night online for the rest of my life.

Another Op'nin, Another Blog

I'm a writer blessed with a wonderful and adventure-filled life. That sounds rather schmaltzy doesn't it?  It's sincere, but don't think this is all moonlight and magnolias. I suggest you continue to read and I hope that you'll find my thoughts interesting enough to follow my blog.

I was born in Dallas,Texas. I'm an only child and lost my mother to a Seconal overdose when I was 12. Ironically, she never made the connection between her habit and one of her favorite movies. Mama's death devastated me. I was a rather grand little boy who got through and to this day gets through the tough times by my love of movies. I live in Los Angeles. I'd wanted to move here since I was 8 years old and about 17 years later, I did just that. I wanted to be a writer and I did just that, too.

I don't call my adopted home town 'L.A.',...well...just because I don't. When I'm feeling really grand and pretentious, I pronounce it as  'Lohs An-jell-eez'. Told you I was grand. But not original. Rent a copy of 'The Long Long Trailer' with Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz: Lucy says it the same way.

BTW, I'm nuts, like many highly creative, highly successful, Type 'A personalities, in my opinion.

I turned 50 in October 2012 and that December I landed in jail for a few weeks. To put it sarcastically, my crime was having extremely bad taste in men. That's the simple explanation. Someone I once cared about very much has quite a bit to do with the backstory. I'd blogged about that, and the cyber-cafe society where we played and partied for two years. I'd even gracefully bowed out and admitted defeat as he'd fallen for someone with whom he was more compatible...ok...head over heels, nutsy-koo-koo over. I knew this, but couldn't keep my pride, arrogance and heartbreak in check. I was in deep trouble, and too self-centered to know it.

My time 'away'  released me from a prison I'd built around myself: one of depression, 'stuck-ness', out of control self-medication and spiritual disconnection. I'd lost track of how many friends died and how powerless I felt. Once off that treadmill I was faced with a new set of challenges...

Challenges I still have. I'm finding solace in prayer, meditation and being of service to others. Thus, I am quite grateful for these last five years, though the journey isn't exactly one I'd select.

Truth is stranger than fiction. I look forward to learning some truths about myself and achieving self-realization.

In the meantime, perhaps the lens in which I view and live my life will help you, or at least entertain you.